It certainly has been way too long. I have been at least doing updates on Sirens, but that’s about the only “writing” I’ve been doing. I haven’t done much and that’s on me.
I’ve fallen away from writing for quite a while, not only because life has gotten in the way, but also because I hate editing. Some get great joy out of rewriting and fixing their words, I do not. I despise it. If I could write the rough draft and pay someone else to polish it in the editing process I would absolutely do that. I struggle to see the forest for the trees and also miss some of the important details that should be included, should be removed, or even should be used to greater potential and meaning within the story.
But, more importantly, I have not been motivated and I’ve been struggling (and losing) to force myself to be disciplined in my writing. I don’t know what to write. Sitting down to write and actually putting words on the document seems foreign to me. Likely because I haven’t done it in so long. I used to be able to sit down and come up with a story and run with it. It didn’t have to be good, it just had to be something. Recently, it has felt like no matter how much I think, I can’t find a good story worth writing about. I can imagine being done with a story, not really knowing all that’s in there but being done with it is quite a nice moment to imagine.
I feel it goes back to the old quote from Dorothy Parker: “I hate writing; I love having written.” I’ve been feeling that down in my bones for a few years now. Though there are some days I greatly enjoy sitting down at my computer and working on a story, punching away at my keyboard, I really enjoy knowing that I’ve moved the needle forward and got one step closer to my goal once I’ve completed my writing for the day. I feel accomplished. I feel like I’m moving forward toward what I’m meant to be doing. I have no one to blame but myself because I haven’t been disciplined. I’ve been lazy and acting like I have all the time in the world but I, in fact, do not. Who knows when my last day on earth will be. Too many people think they have all the time in the world and before they know it, they’re 75 years old, and all the things they imagined they would have accomplished by then are still not done. I imagined I’d have a few more books written by now, but I’ve been slacking. In the case of Sirens, I’ve been working on it so long and have hit so many walls with it, that I just want to be done and so the flame of passionate writing associated with it is flickering out. I want to be done and work on something else. Unfortunately, I think this will lead to me hastily finishing it and maybe leaving a lot out that I shouldn’t or not fixing things I should, but it may just be that time for me to start writing something else. I need to gut that out and finish another story.
Starting a new story, I think, will reignite the passion I have for writing and storytelling. I feel like I’ve been telling the same story since 2018 in Sirens. I need to write something new. Maybe just this little daily blog will be the start of that.
Drew Schroeder 