Nothing Good

Sitting down to write is difficult enough with life butting its head into the mix, but when you try to write and write and pump out words onto the page and everything you wrote seems to be crap, it’s disheartening. Now, like many writers, it may not actually be crappy writing but it sure does feel like it is.

I’ll write whatever I have planned next in my outline, something that is meant to progress the story, but it feels like I’m just progressing the word count while the actual story is stuck in limbo somewhere. I write more and more to get the good stuff to come out, and maybe it is, but to me, it’s not. I know that I’m not looking at my writing objectively. Every writer has a two-faced editor in their head, one that tells you your work is phenomenal, you’re a literary genius, how haven’t you made millions yet? And the other editor tells you “how in the hell have you made it this far in life? You couldn’t write a shopping list.” Unfounded confidence and deafening self-doubt. Really just depends on the day. I’ve found that the confidence is never lacking when you’re not writing. The doubt is ever-present when you are.

When I need to think of something I wrote that I thought was really good, I think of a story I wrote last year. It was one of the few stories that when I finished, I knew it was good. I had written it fairly well and the plot was there and consistent throughout. It was a difficult story to tackle and when I had a few people read it and they had the questions/reactions I wanted them to have, I knew I hit the nail on the head. That story brings back some confidence when I need it because I have the ability to write some good shit. However, it can also have the opposite effect in that I have a doubt that I can ever write anything that good or close to it again. The mind of a writer is a fickle bastard that is difficult to sway one way or another.

I’m hoping that starting to outline my stories will make it a bit easier to stay consistent, stay focused, and get the proper words down on the page so my story is like that one confidence building on I keep in the back pocket. I’ve also been watching YouTube videos and am reading another book on writing to expand on my skill. Hopefully, it pays off.

I’ll make you a deal. If I get one comment on this post, I’ll tell you what I think my best story is and send out the link in my next post. You can ask a question, make a statement, whatever. If you want to know that story and read it, just leave a comment!


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