Here’s the revision I told you about. It’s the original story cut in half… Enjoy!
Mason winced as the coffee seared the roof of his mouth. In a clearing in the woods, he’d built up his camp. His tent gave him shelter, the fire kept him warm, the woods were where he could hunt and gather, and the creek nearby provided him with clean water.
Mason heard a rustle in the woods. It didn’t sound like the wind through the leaves but something else. He rose in his place and inched toward the brush, unsure of what lie behind the leaves. The green and brown leaves shuffled and he reached his hand in to part the branches when he saw a tuft of thick brown hair and heard a snarl.
He stepped back slowly, realizing his dreadful mistake. The animal behind the bushes rose, his light brown pelt shown in the morning sun. The massive bear stepped out from behind the bushes and looked directly at Mason. If Mason made any sudden movement, the bear would rip him to shreds.
The bear, still chewing, slowly stepped toward Mason. He became acutely aware of how profusely he was perspiring, his shirt clinging tightly to his skin. Something caught his attention. Oddly, he smelled the faint scent of raspberries.
The bear was only inches from Mason, his back hunched over and on all fours. His wet snout twitched as he sniffed Mason’s clothes. Mason stayed still. The bear’s teeth began to show as upper lips pulled into a snarl. It sat back on its haunches and stood up, lifting its front paws off the ground and towering over Mason. Mason froze.
The bear cocked its head to the side slightly and Mason began to wince. The bear then shook his head and let out a frightful sneeze. The animal was dazed for a moment before it returned its front paws to the ground. It sniffed Mason one more time before shaking its large head and flicking its ears. It was then that Mason saw the red and purple juices that covered the bear’s lips. The bear turned and lumbered away.